How sexism looks on me

By Julie Capkova

I don’t walk home with headphones anymore. I laugh off comments hoping to hide my discomfort. I avoid streets after dark. In other words, I follow the rules specifically created to protect women from harm. Most women can recite these by heart. From holding keys in between your fingers to phrases like ‘let me know when you get back home safe’ after a night out with your friends. These are only some of the rules we follow ‘just in case’. Rules designed to keep us safe, rules men rarely have to consider. Rules so embedded in our lives that we no longer question them.  

Sexism did not disappear with our right to vote or to open a bank account. It just got better at disguising itself. Once you notice it, it becomes nearly impossible to ignore. Sexism hides itself in our fake laughs when we dismiss jokes from male colleagues. It is the keys we hold and the trainers we choose over heels. It weighs on our shoulders when we walk home after dark. From sexist comments hidden behind seemingly innocent jokes to the line drawn between the standards for men and women, we are still fighting for a place that is safe and equal. From trying to get our voices truly heard, to physical safety, which seems like the very baseline that should have been achieved a long time ago. At university, it becomes routine. We learn which streets near campus to avoid and learn to watch our drinks on nights out. Even texting our friends to say we got home safely should not feel routine. But it does.  

Despite claiming that sexism has no place in modern society, it seems that we have failed to recognise who is at fault. Most pieces of advice out there centre around women and how theycan prevent any potential harm. Advice about clothing, paths they should choose to get home safely, even official campaigns encouraging bystanders to actively step in by striking a conversation when they see someone harassed. All of these lack the recognition of where the problem truly lies. In other words, we teach women not to get assaulted and we are far less comfortable teaching men not to assault.  

Furthermore, although this set of unwritten rules is presented as protection for women, it causes them a lot of harm as well. When a woman is actually harmed, whether through assault, rape or any other form of abuse, the first question asked is whether she followed the rules.  

What was she wearing?  

Why was she out that late?  

Did she say no?  

Surely, it must have been her fault somehow…  

These rules do not just protect women. They actively blame them and shift the attention from actual perpetrators.  

This deep inability to change the narrative demonstrates that we would rather regulate women’s behaviour than challenge men and the harm they cause. The first step to dismantle our need for these rules is to question why we need them in the first place.  

Women are not the problem, nor is their clothing, their manner, or their level of drunkenness. They deserve to be able to walk outside after dark without fearing for their safety or having to worry about how to protect themselves. The question was never whether we followed the rules. The question is why we need them in the first place.